matterofprayer blog post for Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Showing Up—Faithful in Prayer
For years, I have been struggling with being faithful in prayer. It’s not that I find prayer a drudgery. Or, a task I would rather not do, but feel I ought to do. I do enjoy prayer. Really, I do!
However, for years (for decades, even), I have had difficulty with the showing-up-part. God and I have had lots of conversations about this. I have come before the Lord, metaphorical hat in hand, and said “sorry” more times than I can count. Sorry that I was not more regular in prayer. Apologized that I let the whole day (and evening) slip away again, and only came to God really late at night, when I was half asleep on my feet.
Thank goodness something changed. I still don’t know quite what, but it was something I can’t really put my finger on. It was last fall. A really turbulent time in my personal life. Not that I haven’t had other turbulent times in my life before that, because I have. Many. I am no stranger to stuff happening. All manner of trauma, from all kinds of directions.
God has seen me through several decades of this drama. Or, trauma. Or, what have you. However we describe it. Yes, I have been an intermittent pray-er. I love prayer! I have felt so close to God—in such a warm, intimate relationship that I could hardly wait to get back to prayer! But . . . I could never be anything near consistent.
Until last fall. I was using a prayer guide, and doing well. Most days in the week. And then, it got to be almost every weekday. November slipped into December, and I continued with another prayer guide—an Advent reading book of devotions.
Then, 2014 started. I felt led to begin my other blog, A Year of Being Kind (365 Days of Service). On those days that I didn’t pray, I began to feel as if something were missing. Seriously. Yeah, this is me saying this, God. Remember our previous conversations, years ago? When I would come before You, asking forgiveness about my sporadic prayer life? (Yeah, I thought You might remember.)
What do I think about my prayer life right now? I need to suit up. Show up. And whenever, wherever I come into the Lord’s presence, God will be there. God is faithful. I am heartily glad that God is not as sporadic as I have been. Or still am.
Let’s pray. Dear God, thank You for being faithful. Your faithfulness is not only to me, but it is to all generations. Thank You for being there for me—for us. Even though I am so often sporadic in attendance, You aren’t. Help me to continue in regular prayer. Regular conversation and communion with You. Thanks for letting us know how important it is to suit up and show up. In Your grace, mercy and love we pray, Amen.
(also published at www.matterofprayer.net